Let go of the kayak Jason!
Sometimes letting go can be vital to your survival.
His name was Jason and we saved his life.
Several years ago I took my daughters to visit Yellowstone national park. We stayed with a family friend at his cabin on Island park reservoir outside of the park. One evening around dusk, our friend took us all for a boat ride. It was a beautiful sunset that evening and the lake was kissed with all hues of orange. There was just the right amount of breeze as we cruised along the smooth water. I was up front and noticed something odd looking on the water towards the middle of the lake. I pointed and our friend steered that way.
As we got closer we were surprised to see an arm raised above the water waving weakly. The arm was attached to a man that was barely keeping his head above the water and a tired panic was etched on his face. We pulled up to him and I grabbed his arm to pull him into the boat. He didn’t budge much. As I looked down at him, I could see neon green in the water below him. He was holding onto a submerged kayak. He was exhausted and probably had only been moments away from slipping into the depths and drowning. We eventually hauled his tired ass onto the boat and I was able to pull the kayak out of the water enough to drain it, so it would float, and tied it to the back of the boat.
As he sat there panting, he told us his name was Jason and he had rented his kayak from the resort down the lake. He didn’t think he’d need a life jacket for a simple evening paddle. However when he was approaching the middle of the lake, the kayak started to take on water and rapidly sink. He had been there treading water trying to flag someone down. I asked him ‘why didn’t you just let go of the kayak and swim for shore?’ His face kind of went blank (like the thought hadn’t occurred to him) and then he mumbled that he didn’t want to lose his rental deposit on the kayak. This man damn near died, over a shitty $200 plastic kayak! That he would struggle and hold onto the kayak, rather than let it go and survive blew my mind. I get it, when life and death panic sinks in, sometimes we don’t fully think things through — just let me use this metaphor please-. We took him back to the resort and dropped him off and then went on our way.
I sometimes think of Jason. The guy on that beautiful sunset night that held onto something useless until it almost killed him because he wouldn’t let it go (or didn’t think to). It makes me think, what am I holding onto that is dragging me down? Just like Jason didn’t necessarily realize he could simply let it go and swim on; what do I need to let go of to survive and live better?
— -Letting go can be freeing and giving yourself permission to do so can be empowering — -
One thing I’ve let go of recently is the vision and hope of having another ‘normal’ family unit with my daughters. To give them a more standard childhood that I had envisioned for them. Being a divorced dad, I’d always felt guilt for not providing them with the family experience that I had imagined for them. Like a maternal figure that fit with us and we formed our own family, having a house, taking vacations and holidays. We’d almost gotten there but it just didn’t work out — we still had some good times though. And that was the childhood they had — it’s already happened.
Now my daughters are mostly teens and growing up so fast, I want to savor my last years with them in the home and not worry about finding a girlfriend/wife/partner that can handle living with us. I’m not opposed to it, but I’m no longer holding it as an objective to achieve. To hold myself to having to provide a ‘normal’ experience. Ours will be different. And different doesn’t mean wrong. I’m just going to enjoy being a dad and we are our own unique three person family who can still do all the things. And we do!
That evening on the lake by Yellowstone, my daughters learned a couple valuable lessons… Never go kayaking or other water sports without a life jacket AND let go of shit that is weighing you down.
…and maybe better said by Pema Chodron:
The happiness we seek cannot be found through grasping, trying to hold on to things. It cannot be found through getting serious and uptight about wanting things to go in the direction we think will bring happiness. We are always taking hold of the wrong end of the stick. The point is that the happiness we seek is already here and it will be found through relaxation and letting go rather than through struggle.
What submerged Kayaks are you holding on to?
